It was the best day of my life, and it was about to get a little challenging before it became even better.
Let me explain. This man named Jesus, He put mud on my eyes, and asked me to go to the pool of Siloam to wash and I washed and came back seeing.
It was one of the most transformational and exciting moment of my life ever.
‘Have you ever felt gazes? Like just the feeling.
I have.
In fact I couldn’t see since I was born but I could always feel a gaze.
Most of them were gazes of disgust, of judgement, or of the bad example.
‘Don’t you ever lie or steal Benyamin, you’ll end up like that man there who can’t see.’ a woman once said as I felt the gaze of this boy name Benyamin change from curiosity to disgust.
I been having an unusual wrestling match with God.
Having grown up as someone disciplined upbringing wise, I always understood the reward system very well, but find it hard to accept grace for myself.
There’s a Hokkien term that I grew up hearing – the word ‘paiseh’.
In English, it simply means to be embarrassed, sorry or shy and can be used in various situations. For example, when you accidently stepped on someone’s feet, it is absolutely appropriate to say ‘paiseh, paiseh.’ Another reasonable use of this word is when a person doesn’t know how to feel ashamed in a situation where he should, or ‘tak tau malu’ in Malay terms. In this instance, an example will be, ‘ Hey you, don’t you feel paiseh cutting the cue?’.
Physical wounds hurt. And if left unattended, can cause some major damage to a person. Emotional wounds hurt, yet they are often not seen. Subsequently, these wounds, if left unattended, can cause serious damage and dysfunction.
We all go through bumps and bruises emotionally. Sometimes the issue is not that big, kinda like a scratch and can be ignored. But what if there are memories or events in our lives that keep coming back – in our dreams, our daily walk, or are triggered by certain situations?
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