‘Have you ever felt gazes? Like just the feeling.
I have.
In fact I couldn’t see since I was born but I could always feel a gaze.
Most of them were gazes of disgust, of judgement, or of the bad example.
‘Don’t you ever lie or steal Benyamin, you’ll end up like that man there who can’t see.’ a woman once said as I felt the gaze of this boy name Benyamin change from curiosity to disgust.
I been having an unusual wrestling match with God.
Having grown up as someone disciplined upbringing wise, I always understood the reward system very well, but find it hard to accept grace for myself.
There’s a Hokkien term that I grew up hearing – the word ‘paiseh’.
In English, it simply means to be embarrassed, sorry or shy and can be used in various situations. For example, when you accidently stepped on someone’s feet, it is absolutely appropriate to say ‘paiseh, paiseh.’ Another reasonable use of this word is when a person doesn’t know how to feel ashamed in a situation where he should, or ‘tak tau malu’ in Malay terms. In this instance, an example will be, ‘ Hey you, don’t you feel paiseh cutting the cue?’.
Physical wounds hurt. And if left unattended, can cause some major damage to a person. Emotional wounds hurt, yet they are often not seen. Subsequently, these wounds, if left unattended, can cause serious damage and dysfunction.
We all go through bumps and bruises emotionally. Sometimes the issue is not that big, kinda like a scratch and can be ignored. But what if there are memories or events in our lives that keep coming back – in our dreams, our daily walk, or are triggered by certain situations?
I’m no love expert, but these days, the word ‘love’ has taken up many shapes and forms.
From the flippant – I love Ice Cream, to the idealized ‘love at first sight’ in Korean Dramas, the word love has been thrown around throughout the century, often without much thought.
Love has also been somewhat commoditized. Companies liken buying an insurance protection to an act of sacrificial love for a loved one.
Paperheart Pieces