The Surrender Box: A 7 step method to processing painful memories

Physical wounds hurt. And if left unattended, can cause some major damage to a person. Emotional wounds hurt, yet they are often not seen. Subsequently, these wounds, if left unattended, can cause serious damage and dysfunction.

We all go through bumps and bruises emotionally. Sometimes the issue is not that big, kinda like a scratch and can be ignored. But what if there are memories or events in our lives that keep coming back – in our dreams, our daily walk, or are triggered by certain situations?

We all need a pain processing pathway that works for us. It may vary from person to person, but the point is to have a method that works for you. A process to help you surrender pain that has accumulated both recently and from childhood. Time does help, really, but at times, a willingness to let God heal our wounds, will result in greater wholeness and effectiveness in our walk with God.

So here is mine. I gathered it through attending various courses on inner healing and spiritual warfare and hopefully is both succinct and comprehensive for you to try yourself. Let me call it – the Surrender Box. It all begins with R for easy memory. I am as much in this journey as you are.

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1. Recall and Remember : Sometimes a memory floats up that is painful. In a situation like this, I write down brief details of the memory – the people involved, the place etc. If there are no memories surfacing or too many, you can ask the Lord to lead you to one that is appropriate to deal with at the present moments. After I have recalled or remembered sufficient detail, I write down the emotions and the wrong that was done to me. Eg- I feel angry at Bill my boss because he shamed me in front of all my colleagues. This is an important step in acknowledging the pain. Sometimes the emotion can be towards God or myself and that can be processed to.

2. Repent and Renounce: After all the emotions and situations have been listed down. I come before the Lord. I repent of sin/unforgiveness and choose to forgive the individuals. I specifically name the people I still hold anger or bitterness towards and declare before the Lord that I choose to forgive, release and bless them. Its an act of the will. If there is a fear, I renounce the fear and if there is an occultic practice I also renounce it and ask the Lord for forgiveness.

3. Release: After a simple prayer of repentance and renouncing for that specific incident, I release the pain and memories to the Lord. I usually still myself and ask the Holy Spirit to heal me. Sometimes I invite Jesus to come into the scene of the past in my memory and just be open to any vision, picture, word or feeling I may get through which I have a sense of God’s healing. Sometimes it may just be a cry or a feeling of lightness. Its good if the memory is severe/involves a lot of the occult that you get a friend who can pray alongside you for discernment. In the rare case that the Jesus that appears in the picture seems strange or unkind, it may be a false Christ and you can pray ‘Lord, we ask that any spirit show itself as it truly is and we ask for the true Jesus who came in flesh and died on the cross and rose again to reveal Himself.’ After this step and you felt you receive a resolution to the memory, try to test and see if the memory still hurts on a scale of 1-10. It will be good if the you can think of the people who hurt you without any more negative emotion, but it may be a process in some situations.

4. Reject: In the process of healing, it is also important to cut off any form of ungodly attachments with the people involve as well as to close any doors that may be open to the enemy through unforgiveness/sin. I usually pray to ‘cut off ungodly attachments with __________, may the cross come between me and the person and ask for healthy relationship if appropriate’ I also pray to ‘ command all demonic entities related to this incident to leave and close any doors open to the enemy’.

5. Reclaim and Restore: Restoration matters. In a simple way, I will then pray to ‘claim back all that the enemy has taken, and submit myself anew to the Lord Jesus, asking the Lord to heal and restore.’

6. Rewire: Sometimes, old thought patterns die hard. This is often because its rooted in a wrong belief system and have been reinforced throughout the years. If there are any root lies that I have believed about myself or the situation – (Eg – I’m helpless, I’m unclean or I’m not good enough), I still myself and ask the Lord ‘ Lord, I seem to believe this lie about myself/you, will you reveal to me the truth in the situation?’ In this step, you can also write down bible verses that remind yourself about the truth to help your brain rewire. In the weeks or months following the process, I saturate myself with God’s word and keep a gratitude journey to rewire my brain to focus on joy not the pain.

7. Receive: Finally, I rest and receive the Holy Spirit asking for the Holy Spirit to fill me and saturate me with His love. If I’m in a situation where I need direction or wisdom, I ask the Lord for wisdom based on Philippians 4:6 petitioning my request with thanksgiving. I then still myself to listen to any verse/prompting from the Lord. It may not be clear at first but as I wait on the Lord, He will direct and reveal.

So this is my 7 step Surrender Box that I use to surrender the pain and junk in my life at the foot of the cross, trusting in the finished work of the Lord. At the start of this exercise, I sometimes read a passage out loud (Eg – Romans 8, Isaiah 53, or 1 John 1) and take Holy Communion, remembering that this is all possible in and through Christ.

Much love!