Persistent Love: When your ‘not good enough’ is still ‘not good enough’

I’m no love expert, but these days, the word ‘love’ has taken up many shapes and forms.

From the flippant – I love Ice Cream, to the idealized ‘love at first sight’ in Korean Dramas, the word ‘love’ has been thrown around throughout the century, often without much thought.

Love has also been somewhat commoditized. Companies liken buying an insurance protection to an act of sacrificial love for a loved one. Brands make a ‘loving community’ part of their marketing strategy. We are all looking for love, and the world seems to want to give it to us, albeit a watered down version.

Love also seems to be something we must earn to get. A girl portrays herself as the ‘perfect’ partner in order to woe her prince charming. The Alpha male feels he needs to earn a fortune before he is worthy of the love of his wife. Children seek the approval and love of their parents by being the ‘perfect kid’ and then possibly rebelling because the standards are impossible to achieve. We all want love, and we all try to earn it.

In our search for love? Where can find a love that truly satisfies? What does it take to ‘get’ this kind of love? If I slip up, will this love cease?

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There’s a scene from The Chosen (a TV Series about Jesus) where Mary Magdalene (of whom seven demons were cast out) slips up again and is found by one of the disciple. After being brought back to Jesus, she hardly manages to look Jesus in the eyes, yet finds herself embraced by His persistent love. A love by the one who saved her and delivered her and doesn’t give up on her despite her failure.

To me, its a beautiful portrayal of a love that this world can’t give – a persistent love displayed by the God of the Universe through His Son, that we all need, yet often find it hard to receive.

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You see, when we grow up influenced by so many other definitions of love, somewhere along the line, comes the very human thought that we need to somehow also earn the love of God. We strive to become a good person, do our duties, pay our taxes, do good deeds… with the hope that we can somehow measure up to the hall of fame of heaven and receive some of God’s love.

And when we fail, we end up further and further away from God, thinking that He is never going to accept someone so messed up.

Religious circles, even churches sometimes have become like this – we feel we need to do that 2 hour quiet time, go to church 3 times a week and be a super saint in order to experience the love of God.

But we’ve got the order wrong. The Bible says ‘ We love because He first loved us.’ (1 John 4:19) The love of God has already been offered to us, and in fact was offered to us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

And the key to finding and getting to love that we so crave, is to surrender. To know that we can’t, and yet it has been given to us. To freely receive it, and embrace it and thank Him for it.

The love of God is so different from what the world gives. It is a love we do not deserve, and as long as we choose to receive Him, this love persistently accepts us.

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I grew up with a slight inferiority complex. To me, nothing I did was good enough, and before God, I always felt that I was somehow not deserving of His love.

And so I tried and tried to be that ‘perfect’ Christian.

And found myself falling flat.

Once I told the Lord, ‘Lord, I’m not good enough to be accepted by you. I’ve failed time and time again. It seems the more I try the more I fail. Lord, I’m not good enough.’

i felt His gentle reply was this ‘ Yes, you are not good enough, and honestly, you never will be good enough to earn my love. But you are already loved. I have loved you first and you are Mine.’

And it was in that moment, I found myself wrapped in a love so unfailing, so unchanging, so persistent yet gentle, that I wonder if I was even saved last time.

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In life, we often don’t measure up. And we never will truly measure up on our own strength. But there is a love that stands before us with nail scared hands open wide, beckoning us to simply come in. Will you?