A letter to my younger self: 5 things I wish that my younger anxious self knew

I’ve crossed the 30+ mark in life. And when you’ve crossed that mark, people say life takes a bit more of a stabilizing turn. I think its true. Maybe it’s because one has learned more and wised up. Or maybe it’s because I have started caring less about the things that don’t matter so much.

I still remember how I used to worry about everything when I was in my 20’s. It’s a scary stage in life. You don’t have your helicopter mum hovering over you anymore or that tiger mum lashing at every single mistake you did. You don’t have your high school friends to debrief the day with. Its you and that big bad world out there. You are fighting for a job amidst a pool of people (some of which have a double PhD) And the list goes on.

More importantly, you think you have to decide what you want in life, and honestly, up until now, it’s still a very subjective question.

Well, now that some dust has settled and I am in my 30’s I wish my younger self had some of my current (albeit still limited) wisdom. Here is a letter to my younger anxious self.

Dear Younger Self,

If you knew how far you had come amidst all the challenges that will come your way, you’d be proud of you today. I know you always worry about the future. Well, I’m there now, and its quite different from what you think it is.

The weather goes a bit havoc nowadays, although blue skies are still a thing. A lot is happening in the world, but the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. People have come people have gone, but your heart is still beating, and loving well. You still have flickers of anxiety everyday, but I’d assure you its a lot less than what you are experiencing now.

There’s a lot I wish you know from this point of view, it would make you a lot happier and a lot calmer in life. Less anxious I believe. Nevertheless, I’d zoom in on a few things I wish for you to know.

Life is not going to go upwards linearly, but really, you don’t have to have it all together.

I want to tell you, dear young anxious self, that life is going to get a bit chaotic as you age. That dream job won’t come, the neighbor’s cat won’t stop shitting at your front yard and your best friend’s pet peeves will get worse.

Then some things might come along your way and turn your boat upside down.

When that happens, dear self, come out of that soaking water, get back on their boat and paddle on. It doesn’t matter if everyone is wondering why your hair is soaking wet or why you smell a bit off, what matters is you’ve got to your destination.

I know you like excellence and are quite a perfectionist sometimes. But remember the world isn’t perfect. So cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to be the one who doesn’t have it all together, because no one really has it all together.

Actually, no one is scrutinizing your actions, so loosen up when you’re in a crowd and just enjoy the people around you.

I want to tell you, dear younger self, that when you go to a public meeting, no one is scrutinizing you.

When you go into a room full of people, the first thing you usually feel is a deep self consciousness. I understand that. You worry about everything you do, where you sit, how articulate your words are, whether you are holding your cutleries correctly. That alone is a source of insurmountable anxieties.

I want to tell you dear self, that its really ok, you can loosen up. No one really is observing you that closely. Sometimes, people may notice a thing or two you do, but 99% of the time, no one will remember it once they arrive home.

Learn to enjoy your conversations, know that you are loved for who you are, not what you do. Genuinely smile, laugh and love. Being human doesn’t have to be that hard.

Be confident in the choices you have made. You don’t need to fit in. There are robots for that.

Dear young anxious self, I also want to tell you that you really don’t have to fit in. When everyone seems to be following a trend or doing the ‘normal’ thing to do out there, its ok to go against the crowd and choose what you believe is the right thing to do.

Its more honorable to stick to your values and character than to go after something that everyone is chasing, only to find yourself losing yourself in the rat race.

So I solute you for making the right choices to go on the path less taken. I’m going to be honest with you, from my point of view, the choices you made did not make your life more comfortable, but its definitely worth it. Thank you for being brave.

The people that matter are the people that matter, so love and cherish them.

Dear younger self, I know that your friends matter to you A-LOT. I get that. But I want to burst your bubble now before its too late and you get too heartbroken – people come and go. Contrary to the BFF term, best friends don’t usually last forever.

There are seasons in life, and some people come into your life for a reason. Enjoy them, love them, cherish them, but don’t cling on to them. Sometimes, people move on; sometimes, you move on, and you will meet others along the way. More importantly, know that you’re worth is not measured by the friends you have or whether they like your post on Instagram.

At the end of the day, there are going to be just a handful of people who will really stick by you through thick or thin. Remember them and don’t neglect them. Its easier to take them for granted because they are always there, but they are the ones that matter. They are the ones that feel it the most when something bad happens to you. You’d do well to cherish them and not get mad at their little idiosyncrasies.

Pleasures can be found in the simple things in life, so enjoy living, one day at a time.

Dear young anxious ambitious self, you have always been an overachiever. There’s a drive in you that makes you want to be better at everything you do, a silent competitiveness about you. I want to say that you are doing well, but that you’re worth does not depend on how much you achieve in life.

At the end of the day, know that you are loved simple because you are loved. You are not an object, not a commodity, but a person that was created to live in joy and relationship.

Sometimes, the little, simple things in life are the stuff that will bring you the most pleasure. The puffy clouds, the sunsets, pink flowers are there for you to enjoy, and they often make up more of your life than the occasional massive achievements you strive for. So allow yourself to enjoy these little joys. The Big Guy Up There is not scowling at you just trying to make you a better person. He is a Loving Father that created you unique; and sometimes, that sunset, really was made for you.

Contrary to popular beliefs, He wants you to enjoy life, especially through the little things.

So chin up. You’re not there yet. But the journey can be fun if you will choose to focus on the little pleasures rather than constantly pushing yourself towards the big achievements.

Life is going to be an adventure. And I think you always wanted that. Well, it’s quite a crazy ride to this point. But take comfort that from this side of the equation you are still sane, still breathing, less anxious and I believe – more alive than you ever were.

Love,

Your Older Self

(p/s – you’re avocado tree got chopped down)