Look How Far You’ve Come: Learning to Celebrate Progress

I was looking at an old drawing of mine, and I suddenly started to really admire it. I asked the Lord in passing ‘ I drew this?’

I guess I never really saw my paintings as beautiful back then. Maybe its an artist thing to undervalue what you draw or maybe I was just battling so much inside that really, the fact that I drew was an accomplishment for me. Never mind the quality.

I remember the exact moment I drew the pencil sketch in 2013. I was in medical school, about two years after a major depressive episode. I was on medication and still battling suicidal thoughts daily if not hourly. Its horrendous to be at that kind of state, but yet by the grace of God I was still studying my Biomedical Science Degree in hope of becoming a doctor. (Whether I did become a doctor is another day’s story)

Art was my coping mechanism. I would sit down and follow in detail a picture before me. I would choose pictures inspired by the Bible because when you are in darkness, its really best to choose light. And when you feel like killing yourself everyday, its probably a better idea to draw something that brings life.

And so as I drew the crown of thorns, I meditated on the fact of how God’s sacrificial love brought life for me. And that brought relief to the pain.

14 years down the road, I may not be able to attest that I am 100% well, but gee – I no longer battle suicidal thoughts/panic attacks. My days are filled with light and love. The medicines are still a bugger because you’ve been on them so long its hard to get rid of them. But I’m alive, and more than just surviving, and that’s really worth celebrating!

And nowadays, I really like to look at my old pictures, admire them and say to myself – look how far you’ve come!