Mountains and Skies // God’s love 

Let’s be real, it’s sometimes hard to be human. I love the parts where I get to sing and dance and do the fun stuff. But there’s also the boring and mundane stuff in life.

And then there’s the pain and everyday reality of sickness and suffering.

Battling depression for 12ish years, panic in the morning, anxiety when I sleep. I had hoped that by now I would be completely whole. There has been so much grace and healing, but there is still a need for me today to pray in hope, yet rest in the vulnerability of what I have to go through.

Realising the limits of my human-ness has not been easy. I want to scale the mountains, achieve heights, be significant. And sometimes I just want to like stamp my feet at God demanding a complete healing, because boy its hard. But here I am, walking in the limits of my imperfection.

And in times like this, as I honestly cry to Him, I find Him teaching me to see mountains differently.

Growing up, ‘mountains’ in life were meant to be scaled. I had always pushed myself that way. Yet, these days, I have been learning to see mountains a little differently, not as objects to be scaled, but a creation that point me to the Creator. A Creator that loves me regardless of whether I have scaled a mountain or not.

And then to find that as I stop making scaling the mountain my idol, I can truly worship and adore the Creator of every mountain top.

‘Your love, Lord reaches to the heaven, Your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness like the highest mountains, Your justice like the great deep. You, Lord preserve both people and animals.’

Or in a modern paraphrased version…

‘God’s love is meteoric, His loyalty astronomic, His purpose titanic, His verdict oceanic, Yet in His largeness nothing gets lost, not a man, not a mouse, slips through the cracks.’ (psalms 36:5-6)

Today I’m learning not to strive but rather, to realise that in my struggles, in my humanity, in the pain I experience I am no less loved. And that is a fact worth bringing me to worship my Creator.

In my limitedness I am reminded what or who I am not. I am not God, I am not a superhuman, and there are questions that I may never have the answer till I meet my Saviour face to face.

In my suffering I am starting to realise when I allow it to pull me closer to God, I get the rest and relief I need. And that this God I believe, is not a God far off, but a God who suffered and died on a cross for me. He is deeply acquainted with pain and suffering.

So in everything I go through, I want to look towards a God whose love reaches the heavens, and faithfulness to the skies. I am limited but He is not. I may scale mountains one day with His help, and I’m still trusting Him to supernaturally heal me, but even if I don’t His love will carry me through each day till eternity.

And in that I can rest. I can embrace my human-ness, I can hold on in my weakness. Yes, I still pray in hope, I still wish to do exploits for Him. But I can also learn to ride on my Saviours back as He carries me through valleys and trains me for the heights. And one day He promises I will be found in Heaven with Him, lost in His love, seeing Him face to face. 

Till the Christ the Messiah comes again, here on earth, there will the reality of sickness, suffering and pain that I will wrestle with with tear stained glasses. But in that there is grace. And there is a God holding me whose love endures forever. And that is enough.

Wherever you find yourself today, I pray that you will be reminded of God’s vast love, His righteousness, and the fact that, in your pain and limited-ness, there is a God deeply feels you and understands. He cares for you.